So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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