1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
