Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
