You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Randomize
