whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
True strength comes from lack of pants
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
