Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
