everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
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Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
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I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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