Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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