Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
