I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Floor bacon is actually really good
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize