i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
