I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
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