Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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