Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
