I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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