i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
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