Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
me + whiskey = a bad person
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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