I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
