I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
