Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
