It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
