Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
