Michael Bay diarrhea
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Randomize
