I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
