You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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