There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
