So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
