So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
