I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize