I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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