Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
