Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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