Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
