Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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