We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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