I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Buhtt sex?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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