Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
what day is it and did you see me today?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
