we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize