I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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