I think I am morally bankrupt
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
