Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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