happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
