I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
