Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
