my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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