She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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