My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize