Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
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If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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