y did u give ur computer a hand job?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
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