i think my tv is drunk
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
