I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Randomize
