New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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