i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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