I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
