Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
