He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
