My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
