So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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