Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
