mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
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