Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
