I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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