i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
