we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
