Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
