i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize