So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
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As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
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they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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