ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
