4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
